Mommified life - What my 1.5 year old has taught me
It was the night of 7th Dec. I was in labour for more than 24 hours, in active labour for 6 hours. Just when I thought that I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, Sanvi decided to pop out. I still remember that feeling of lightness and dizziness. I felt empty and full at the same time. Our journey together had come to an end. She was no longer only mine. She was for the world to see and cherish.
What followed was a wild journey of ups and downs. I remember laughing about what a crazy hormone oxytocin is. I felt like everything about my baby was the best. Her smile, her eyes, her schedule, even her poop .
I had forgotten the simple joys of sleeping on my back, feet that were non-swollen, not having constant heartburn . I was grateful for my body for jumping right back.
There is a lot of hush hush talk about motherhood. There are two groups that I have met.
One is okay to sacrifice everything for parenting . No questions asked. For them, the number of sacrifices you make is equivalent to the quality of parent you are.
The other is the forever pessimistic group . "Oh wait, till they start to crawl, it will get worse.
Wait , till they start walking, you will need an army to manage them. "
The idea is to find the right balance. Do what works for you and your family and not judge other parents for their choices on the way.
Being a mother, just means you are opening a Pandora's box of unsolicited advice and stories of 'this is how we used to do it in our time'.
It has taken some time for me to tune out and filter out the best advice for me & my daughter.
Here are some things that fascinated me about babies and the journey of parenting.
Newborns smell amazing. All the time. No amount of cosmetics can bring you even close to emulating that smell. I wonder why it's not marketed yet. I would definitely buy mini bottles of 'babyfume'.
Live in the present is what babies swear by.
Babies don't care if you are preparing them for travelling to Maldives tomorrow. Or sit and sulk, reliving the good old times on coming back.
They will be best of friends with
someone and totally forget them the next day. Out of sight, out of mind.
There are times you wonder how humans are the most intelligent creatures considering how fragile and helpless their offspring is.
Almost a year of depending on caretakers for mobility and feeding , with only crying as a defence mechanism, babies are designed to be raised in communities .
Babies crave danger - falling from heights , sticking their fingers in sockets and cabinets and anything hot , which is the stark opposite of other animal babies.
End of the day, babies are evolved monkeys.
They are trying to be you, consciously or unconsciously.
Which means you need to rework on yourself.
If you want your kid to sleep early, eat healthy and not have any screen time, you need to lead an ideal life yourself.
As cliche as it sounds, the best gift you can give your kids is your time. Your undivided attention. We are victims of a 6 seconds attention span generation. Just spending 1 hour a day with them without any distractions is the most rewarding experience at times.
Babies are resourceful. Rotate toys and books and they will find new ways to play with them.
A refreshing view in a materialistic world that's moving towards fast fashion.
Newborns cannot understand language but can sense emotions.
They are also able to relate to known entities and give the sweetest reactions. Similar to how you would jump in excitement , when the DJ plays ‘your’ song.
Babies are born curious and experts at multitasking. They will be deep in play but still identify known sounds or respond to other stimuli.
Toddlers operate at two energy levels - either playing like there is no tomorrow or napping when they exhaust themselves.Their routine is rarely interrupted. Sanvi has slept through many treks and outings and we are so in awe of how beautifully human bodies were designed to function. It's us millennials who forget our sleeping and eating routine when we are on vacation. No wonder we wake up cranky or not wanting to leave the bed at all on days. Unlike our little one, who always wakes up smiling and ready to play and explore.
Functioning on 4 hours of sleep for the first few months, drinking cold tea and almost inhaling meals in the fear that she may wake any time were things that I was ready for. Taking a career break for 8 months and missing out on major events was okay too.
What really took me by surprise were the small things - like not being able to leave your hair open (or preparing for casual tugging of bunches of hair) , wearing garments that were
feeding friendly ( goodbye crop tops and dresses) , not growing nails ( never knew baby skin was so sensitive ) , wearing slip-ons (because you can’t possibly wear shoes or other fancy footwear while holding your baby in one hand) .
No one tells you about these things. The only advice I got during my pregnancy was ‘ Sleep as much as you can’ which is quite irrelevant considering we need a certain amount of rest daily and cannot hibernate like bears ! The second one was ‘Eat as much as you can ! ‘
So the next time you meet a new mother, resist the urge to ask if their child sleeps through the night (its a milestone met at 3 years, so very unlikely) or tell them how their child looks lean or underweight. Just tell them what a wonderful mother they are, if you must.
Motherhood was the most liberating journey for me. My daughter didn't care how I dressed or how much time I spent grooming. She just wanted me to be present. For the first time, I felt that I was enough. I was the best singer, dancer, mimic artist, storyteller and stand-up comedian to my daughter. I could sense that by the way her eyes lit up around me. It just made me question all the things I was chasing. Is it worth the struggle?
I was not looking for a child to complete me. I could never put that kind of a pressure on a young soul. But I have realised, that somewhere deep down, I had a Sanvi shaped hole in my heart that's been filled now.
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